DNA Tests, So Hot Right Now!

What's more important than Elizabeth Warren taking a DNA test to prove her Native American heritage? My attempt to do the same, obviously!

I'm taking a DNA test to see how white I really am (not really why I'm doing this, but, it works here). If I had to guess, I'd probably go somewhere north of 95%. Some are forecasting that I will come back 100% white. Seems a bit racist to me. I can't be too mad; my skin is far too pasty for me to be from anywhere else in the world besides Northern Europe. I think. Not 100% what native people in other European countries look like, but that's on me. Bet you thought I was gonna give a racist stereotype there. Think again, libs.

I honestly have no clue how these at-home DNA tests work, but I'm here and ready to find out. I guess I have to spit in some tube, mail it back, and wait a few weeks for the results. Kinda seems like a sham, but you didn't hear that from me.

If it ends up not being a sham, I will be bananas excited. Who knows, maybe some president in the future will come up with a racist name for me if I'm ever a politician! Think of the possibilities! That's the dream isn't it? If I'm from... See, you thought I was gonna be racist again. Keep up!

The reason my mom bought me an Ancestry.com (not an advertisement) DNA kit is because we're using the results from my family for a guessing game on Christmas Eve. Everyone has to guess what DNA result corresponds with the correct family member. Now that seems a bit racist to me. Gonna be real easy to guess Cousin Dan and Mike's DNA because their dad is of Syrian decent. The rest is a crapshoot. Pasty white people for days.

I'm hoping that my results will be interesting. If I get a mix of English and Irish I will be thoroughly unimpressed. Maybe Ancestry should just spice it up and mail back random results to me. I wouldn't hate that.