Daily Roundup 7-16-18

 Mikhail Klimentyev/AFP/Getty Images

I would like to start this with some very good news. The haters and losers woke up mad this morning when they realized I was gonna have the best hair day in recent memory. Ma got the new Pantene scrub-a-dub-dub or whatever it's called, and I felt fabulous all day. Confidence is key!

Side note, gonna try to do a roundup of things that happened each day during the week. But knowing myself pretty well at this point, I probably won't do it every day. So it's more of a "Daily (when I feel like it) Roundup" mixed with a music recommendation for the week on Mondays.

Album of the Week: Everything All The Time by Band of Horses

This is one of my favorite albums of all time and a great one for a warm summer night. Everything All The Time has Band of Horses' most popular song, The Funeral, four songs in, but this isn't even the best song on the album. The first song, aptly named The First Song, is a true example of sonic pleasure. Every time I hear it, it brings me back to when I first was introduced to the band at a summer cabin in Maine in 2010 or so. I saw them a few years ago with the man that expanded my horizons, Cousin Russ, and it was a blast and a half. Great band, great album, 10/10 would recommend.

Daily Roundup:

--President Trump met with Vladimir Putin, known shirtless horse-rider, in Helsinki and people are freaking out because they seem to be all buddy-buddy with each other. Apparently they met alone for like two hours and I wish I was a fly on the wall during that meeting. I assume Putin can speak English because I know for a fact that Trump can speak Russian as well as I can. All I know how to say is,"Hi!" Privet, Comrade Putin! (Also, imagine this whole investigation thing if he was fluent in Russian, lol.)

I'd like to think they were playing hockey on bears and said this, and then nothing for the remaining hour and fifty eight minutes while Putin skated circles around Trump:

Trumpy: Vlad, a bunch of people hate me in America. What do I do?
Vlad: Probably should just kill all of the journalists and people that disagree with you.
Trumpy: Hmmm. Interesting. Bigly moves. The libs would be so mad!

Vlad skates by Trump on his bear and scores the tenth goal in the last minute and a half.

This whole thing seems like when a bully meets an even bigger bully, and acts like he is friends with him so his ass does not get beat. Do I know for a fact Putin didn't put Trump in a headlock and tell him to deny that he meddled in the elections of nations around the globe? No. But could it have happened? I don't know, but you didn't hear it from me.

--Speaking of Russia, I think France won the World Cup. Good for them, even though the stereotype is that they're mean to Americans. Whatever, we only saved you in WWII. Not like that's a big deal or anything.

The hands-down best highlight of the tournament was when four people associated with the all-around badass Russian punk group Pussy Riot ran onto the pitch (don't know if that's what a soccer field is called but that's me trying to sound smart) and disrupted the game. This was a moment that the majority of the sports world was watching and Pussy Riot won BIGLY! They were just running around on the field laughing in the face of Señor Putin. Pretty sweet, comrades, preeeeetty sweet.

credit: Reuters/Christian Hartmann

--The Red Sox are the best team in baseball heading into the All Star break and we have like three dudes who could be MVP. Not that Mike Trout isn't having a phenomenal year, but I have to give my MVP vote to JD Martinez. Not a lot of people were happy with the way that he waited to sign with us in hopes of getting more money, but I'd pay infinite amounts of money to someone with 29 HRs before the break. The Sox are gonna win the ship and I'm gonna party in Kenmore Square like I've never partied before. Also, if they don't win, don't talk to me about baseball until March.

--Mac Miller announced that his album is dropping on August 3rd. I'm bananas excited for this because of how his relationship with Ariana Grande turned into the biggest dumpster fire of all time. Crazy Petey D. swooped in and is gonna marry his girlfriend of a few years after knowing her for like three weeks. That is probably enough material to write like four albums, so it'll be interesting to see how Mac addresses it.

--Apparently the government lost a bunch of plutonium en route to one of their super secret sci fi labs in Idaho. There was some task force sent to ensure that it did not fall into the wrong hands and now it's just been missing for a few months. Gonna go ahead and say that the plutonium is not in good hands. Seems like this could be a problem for Americans in the near future. I don't really want any crazy and disgruntled former US scientists making a bomb that would blow half of the US into space. But hey, I guess we wouldn't have to go to work in the morning.

--Papa John, so not hot right now. It's absolutely crazy to me that the dude who pulled his company's partnership with the NFL because of his view of the players protests would use the N-word! That is just blasphemy! Doesn't make any sense in my mind. Now, he's been physically removed from the office that he used to work in and told to not speak to any media member on behalf of Papa John's. What a whirlwind experience this has been. First, we had drunk Papa John celebrating a Louisville National Championship in 2013. This was very funny and amusing. Now, we have full-blown racist Papa John, which is not funny and amusing.

druuuuuunk Papa John

--Finally, RIP to Officer Michael Chesna of Weymouth and the elderly woman who also was senselessly murdered. They were killed by a truly deranged man and he will get his day in court. Even though I left Twitter, Facebook brought me to stupid people's terrible opinions pretty quickly. "This is why cops use excessive force!" mixed with some, "That's what you get for being a cop!" had me ready to punch a hole in the wall. That kind of stuff, it doesn't help at all here. It's a terrible tragedy and should be treated as so. Please keep your awful opinions on why people kill other people to yourself.

And with that, I have completed the first Daily (when I feel like it) Roundup. Cheers to this not being a one-off thing!


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