Come Back to Earth

I never wanted to write this. Mac Miller was my favorite rapper. He was probably my favorite musician, too. I hate that I have to use "was" instead of "is". I don't really know what else to say without sounding like I lost a best friend, someone I'd actually met before.

The thing is: music has that effect, especially when you're an only child. The people in your headphones are your tool to escape loneliness. Artists become the people that really understand you, and you begin to understand them as well.

I grew up with Mac. We were all goofy when he was goofy. He was going through some shit when we were, too.

It was so easy to see that he was bound to die young. I think that's why this hurts more than any other celebrity death I've been alive for. He was a sinking ship that we had no idea how to fix. But, we bought the albums and joked that depressed Mac was the best kind of Mac. I hope you get that second life you sang about.

I remember sitting on the floor in the gymnasium during an overnight party at my middle school, waiting for Best Day Ever to drop. K.I.D.S. was too good to not be there for the release of the newest project. A few friends joined me and we listened to it front to back before saying a word. It wasn't his best, but we started to see him mature, just as we were about to. He was special and had the talent to speak to a whole generation.

Macadelic was there for me when I didn't know anybody at a new school. It explored what really happens in your mind and showed me that everything was probably gonna be alright. He had a rare ability to understand a group of people without being corny about it. Mac was pretty reliant on drugs at this time. It was concerning. Still, after I heard Macadelic for the first time, I knew he'd be a favorite of mine for the rest of my life.

Watching Movies was there when I first learned how to drive. I had one CD in my SUV, and it was his. I love that album. It will always take me back to a time where I started to figure it all out.

Faces showed the world that drugs were now Mac's biggest influence. Some of his lyrics took all of us by shock, but he was unapologetically himself. He wasn't trying to hide anything, so we became complacent with a person throwing his life away. It occurred to us that he was going to die young, but that would be a problem for the future.

I can picture it perfectly--I have a pop tart in one hand, other hand on the steering wheel. I'm in my car, not my Trailblazer because I had crashed that a week earlier, and I'm listening to Faces. Everything, all the stress about driving again after flipping over and almost dying, goes out the window and I immerse myself into that mixtape, learning what it's like to really be addicted to something.

GOOD A.M. was released my freshman year of college, another album that I needed to stay sane. His talent and maturity was skyrocketing. I ain't sayin' that I'm sober/I'm just in a better place. We started to believe that Mac was out of the danger zone. I really wish that was true now.

The Devine Feminine was released my sophomore year, and Mac begin to get widespread acclaim, something that escaped him because of his semi-goofy past. (Don't get me wrong, I love old Mac, but it was a little goofy.) Sonically, his music was at a level none of us expected him to get to. He sang about love! The "Kool Aid and Frozen Pizza" guy was teaching us what it was like to actually be in love.

Swimming was released in August. I really enjoyed it. I remember talking to a friend, saying how I didn't have any specific memories to associate it with and I was saving that album for when I needed it. I think now might be the time.

I saw Mac in 2015. I loved it. He was heavily intoxicated, but it didn't matter. That was the Mac we knew and loved. That's why I'm writing this stupid thing now. He was never not himself. He took a page out of Nora Ephron's thought process; I think he believed that "everything is copy." Everything in his life could and should be used in his music.

His work as Delusional Thomas, Larry Fisherman, and whatever else he went by is just as important as his work as an artist. He showed true mastery of producing and shouldn't go unnoticed. One of my favorite songs of all time is a Larry Fish song, "Vienna", a cover of a Billy Joel song.

Mac Miller should go down as one of the greatest artists of this generation. He didn't get the respect he deserved when he was alive. I hope that changes with his death.

Today should have been another Friday in September, but it's not. September 7 will always suck.

I love you, Mac. Thank you. I'm gonna miss you.